The twenty third of April.... so many times I have celebrated it. But this time it was quiet inside myself. Yes the same people wish you, some new ones and whatever not. Maybe or rather yes I will have a surprise party thrown by someone as I have mostly had or go fishing as I sometimes have but the mood is not with me.
I was looking at a picture of myself that I just took and realised that my face has changed tremendously just in the short span of three months. The lines of maturity are richly defined now and perhaps serious reflects alot more than it used to, though I still tend to have lots of non serious momemts in a day. Inside however, a multitude of worlds collide. Some pretty, others dark, some ugly, others grey, some like a white ball of light and so on. Like molecules in some lost atom, they gravitate and settle into various states of existence and movement. But always some change goes on.
I have become a master at self analysis. This birthday may not be a landmark but it brings me one year closer to God and one year closer to a destiny which still eludes me. Except now I sense things beginning to change again. Slowly back to the pavilion from which some of them started. What an anamoly time itself is, uncertain in it's presentation, but firm in it's form. I rather equate myself to time. Fluid, metamorphising all the time, dexterous.... but sometimes just sometimes my Taurean nature tends to become a stubborn obstacle in my own sense of liberty and my ego wins over my kinder self. I do not intend to carry that into the next year. Rest, as the wise say, only God knows. Here is to another year of my existence over and another year begun. Half empty or half full, but this is a glass I have to carry for it is the glass of my life. And I hope it will be a life well lived.
Ciao.
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