Takmil - A Journey of Completion

What a sad distaste, life sometimes becomes. Everything you hoped for, dreamt off, envisioned, all simply vanishing like a rainless cloud into thin air, before your eyes. Where does one go from there then? Is the loss of all, the end of a journey or the beginning of some new hope. I don't know. It was supposed to be a simple transaction. Life is supposed to be give and take. But I have only viewed parasitic takers or people who are just stuck with giving. What kind of balance is that?

These days when I look inside myself its amazing that every day brings a new change. But yet, yet again I feel this avid emptiness. I want to move forward and then I find there is nothing I want to move forward to. But each day must be making me progress. Right? Is that not the law of nature? The laws of God? Then why? Why this bout of desolation which sinks me from within. Is it mine? Is it someone else's? Is it the general human condition? In apparence and appearance all is well.

But beneath the surface a strange kind of dark song plays in my subconscious. The tune is seductive and I want to fall prey to the pit of self effacing depression. It is so much easier to be depressed than to fight the every day hell of life. The imperious struggle between man and nature, with almost always man falling and failing. Who am I? An incomplete block of DNA, that thinks it has a soul. How laughable is that. Somewhere across some ocean I can hear someone I know laugh at that. They like laughing at everything.

Life is so not funny. And yet it is the funniest thing. If my sarcastic wit did not save me from my moronically dark self, then I think by now I would have jumped off the nearest cliff. That is how much I hate what we people do to each other. We imbibe hope and love and the fallacy of togetherness into our piteous lives and then we take the pleasure of taking it away from the very people we claimed that love to. We are a sick species. If it were not a sense of God then I think we would have sunk eons ago.

One long journey. A few short steps. Kaboom. All over. That is life. Just a journey. Never any completion. I would love to put into this equation today for I almost always do, but my highly poetic irate self conscious has decided to let it ignore the biggest thing that saves, completes us. Our God conscious. The little nagging voice within us, its almost always Him. How many of us are going to plug some ears into our chests and actually decide to listen. I don't know. I often do, but sometimes, just sometimes, as is these days, I decide
to go deaf.

Completion. I look forward to the darkness of my grave. It is the only bed I think I have wisely made. Safe, home and finally secure from the ravages of a sad sad world.